Letters

Dear Mr. G.T. Dave

Dear Mr. G.T. Dave,

I have been thoroughly enjoying your kombucha for several months now (like one to two 480 mL bottles a day).  I am writing this letter in part to congratulate you on your success in such a beautiful business.  I very much appreciate your product and hope you continue to grow and thrive.

I am also writing this letter out of a certain concern I have with the product that I am sure you’re aware of, but I nonetheless wanted to reiterate it for the sake of your observance of quality control…

This is a matter of the carbonation in the drink.  Twice now in my experience of your kombucha I have purchased an overly carbonated item.  The first of these experiences was on my walk home from the nice neighborhood co-op down the street from my house (The Alberta Street Co-Op in Portland)… upon opening the beverage, there was almost a cataclysmic upsurge of the fermented tea, what seemed like five fold the volume of the glass bottle pouring out all over my hands and sidewalk, etc.  This was of course disheartening because I lost my afternoon treat that day.  And wondered about the nature of the carbonation process in the kombucha, like how it could get so out of balance inside the bottle.  I wondered if bottles ever explode, like happens to those home brewers of beer when they have too much sugar in their bottles?

Now, the second occurrence was more inconvenient: I had purchased the mango version of your kombucha and was driving back to my job when I opened it.  I should preface this by saying that I noticed a little “perspiration” on the seal of the lid (the little white shroud you seal the lid with which must be broken and removed prior to consumption): little beads of the mango kombucha on the seal, like it had been nervous or working out or experiencing big differences in temperature or pressure change.  I examined the seal and it seemed to be totally intact so I did not worry about the integrity of the beverage and opened it nonetheless.  In so doing, I experienced another volcano of liquid.  Totally surprising when driving down the road and anticipating the first refreshing taste.  It frothed all over the upholstery of my car and my person.  I employed most of the expletives in my vocabulary before realizing that I was alright and that we’re all going to die and this is really just one of the very minor details of our existence in the void.  Nonetheless, mango essence went all over my truck cab.  I cleaned as best I could that day with the means I had at my job-site, and later with some shampoo, etc.  This was about two weeks ago.  Since then, the interior of my vehicle has gone through many transmutations of smell: it started as pure kombucha odor, and then for a while it smelled of male feline urine, and now smells faintly of a horse pasture.

These experiences are not preventing me from continuing to buy your product, I just simply wanted to bring this unfortunate nature of the beverage to your attention and perhaps warn against that sign of perspiration.

I no longer open the kombucha when I am driving.  Which is probably a good measure to take anyway, considering the unfortunate things people do whilst operating a moving vehicle.

I know everything is going to work out in the end.

I am most sincerely yours,

Benjamin Shook